Coffee, Tea, or Me

For reasons I will not disclose, I cannot drink coffee anymore.

I like to  travel and I absolutely depend on Starbuck's free WiFi,  and I NEED lattes with 2-3 extra shots daily.   Coffee shops are my home away from home.

"Coffee?  I don't drink coffee.  Do you have any tea?"  SLAP!
SHUT UP!  Hear that little superiority dance in their voice?  I don't want to be THAT PERSON.  I already annoy people enough with my goings on, "Oh, I have such a delicate disposition.  Is it gluten-free?"  I gleefully bore people to death with my rambling monologues about the glorious future for each and every one of us if we just embrace organics!

So
      I
         am
               drinking
                              tea.
If I could make that sentence droop and fall off the page, I would.

Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.
 Moan and complain.
Here's the thing.  I have everything I need in this life and mostly everything I want.  What's a little coffee in the larger scheme of things?

EVERYTHING.

SHUT UP!
ok.  That's my brain going off the rails for a moment.
Like sports, coffee is a great social lubricant.  Everyone can talk about coffee.
Except those assholes who only drink tea.  AND I'M ONE OF THEM NOW!

I expect to get slapped upside the head any day now.