Hope for Ladybugs

The last week of September, a video circulated on the net of a black man who was shot by a young and inexperienced trooper over a routine traffic stop. When told to get his driver's license, the black man turned and reached into his car. The young trooper completely panicked and started shooting away.

I cannot help and I cannot change this thing.

The voice of the young trooper cracks. We hear his dawning realization, as he tries to justify his own actions by saying, "You dove head first into the car," knowing his own, and this man's life before him, have been irrevocably changed forever.

Who is to blame here? Certainly not the young black man. If I turned to reach in my car for my driver's license, would I be shot? Not in a million years.

What about the young trooper? Whose voice we can hear cracking in the video?

Why is someone with such inexperience out there? What happened to the buddy system?

The thought demon. I so want to help. I so desperately want to change these things.

I had given some thought to taking up my somewhat specialized tutoring here and decided to give it a pass.  I just want to live simply for the time being.

I applied at the preschool/daycare center. It's right here in town! I could walk in the snow there! Since I got here, I realized that this was the first time in decades I've had to interview for any job.

Rocked it! After 40 minutes of interviewing, they offered me a position.

I spend the afternoons there with the 4 year olds. Although a sometimes rowdy bunch,  I have noticed that kids here are generally more behaved. They are very physical and by six, the boys often look ten to me.  They are not as calculated as the kids I worked with back in the Bay Area.  I do not see the culture of entitled hissy fits, children throwing themselves to the ground screaming when things do not go their way. That was in Silicon Valley. If I sound in anyway harsh, call my people. The last preschool I was at as a therapist for one of the children, had valet parking. Oh. they'd wash your car too.

One day,  there were wonderful ladybugs decending onto the slide. Children ran to see them. A few boys came up and began to smash them. I said, "That makes me sad." (and I believe the real distress I felt showed in my face) "Do you know ladybugs are alive?" "You're Alive!" "And you know what? Even the smallest bug? Everything has a job in this world."

The "lead" boy in this turned to me and said, "I just hit one. I won't do anymore."

At that point things things changed.

The children put down the rocks and got leaves to gently pick up the ladybugs. They talked about ladybug families and ladybug children.

I want to help. I want to change things.
Sometimes, just sometimes I can.. Just a little..